So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize