I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
