Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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