whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
