KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
