He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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