My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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