too bad you live with your parents still
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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