he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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