all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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