her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
