I'm drive I can fine osifer
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize