I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
