She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
