Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
