It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
