Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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