Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize