Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
