Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
