Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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