You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
