I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
