i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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