So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
