The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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