I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize