Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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