I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
