u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
