Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
