Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
