Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
