Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
