Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize