i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
