My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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