I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
