I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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