i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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