Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
