I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
