I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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