is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
