were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
