I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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