you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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