Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
