Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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