it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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