Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize