What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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