Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
