I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
