You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
