Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
