dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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