I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
