I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
