quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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