There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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