it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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