i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
