HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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