hell yes lets make some ravioli
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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