Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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