it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize