oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
