before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
